Reclaiming Your Voice: Why Speaking Up Feels So Hard—and How to Heal

Have you ever wanted to speak up in a meeting, share your thoughts with confidence, or put yourself out there—only to feel your throat tighten, your mind go blank, or an overwhelming urge to shrink away?

You’re not alone.

Many people assume that difficulty with self-expression comes from a lack of confidence, but the truth is: it’s about safety. Your body might be interpreting visibility as a threat, even if you logically know that speaking up shouldn’t be dangerous.

This is where somatic awareness—understanding how your body responds to being seen—can help. Instead of forcing yourself to “just get over it,” you can work with your nervous system to gently shift the way you experience visibility and in reclaiming your voice.

Why Your Body Reacts to Being Seen

When you hesitate to speak up, it’s not just in your head—it’s in your body.

From a nervous system perspective, visibility can feel unsafe if past experiences have wired you to associate being seen with:

• Criticism or Judgment – Did you grow up in an environment where speaking up led to negative feedback, embarrassment, or rejection?

• Dismissal or Being Ignored – If you often felt overlooked, your body may have learned that your voice doesn’t matter.

• Performance Pressure – If your early experiences of visibility were tied to perfectionism or proving yourself, speaking up now may come with an automatic fear of not being good enough.

  
  

When these experiences happen over and over, your nervous system internalizes a message:

• “Being seen is dangerous.”

• “If I take up space, I might get hurt.”

• “It’s safer to stay small.”

  
  

Even if you consciously want to be more confident, your body remembers. When the moment to speak arrives, your nervous system activates a survival response:

• Freeze: You mentally “check out,” struggle to find the right words, or feel like your brain has shut down.

• Fawn: You over-apologize, downplay your opinion, or try to accommodate everyone else’s feelings.

• Flight: You avoid speaking altogether, opting to “wait for the right moment” (that never comes).

• Fight: You push through, but it feels forced—like you're proving something rather than speaking from a place of ease.

How to Start Feeling Safer in Visibility

Instead of forcing yourself to be “more confident,” the key is teaching your nervous system that visibility is safe.

Here are three simple, body-based strategies to help:

1. A Grounding Exercise for Feeling Safer When Speaking Up

Before a conversation, presentation, or social interaction, try this 30-second grounding practice:

• Feel your feet on the floor. Notice the sensation of support beneath you.

• Breathe deeply into your belly. Slow, deep breathing signals to your body that you are safe.

• Orient to the space around you. Look around the room and remind yourself, “I am here, and I am safe.”

• Place a hand over your heart or belly. Gentle touch can activate the body’s calming response.

  
  

This simple reset interrupts old patterns and helps your body experience being seen in a new, safer way.

2. Small Visibility Moments: Practicing Low-Stakes Exposure

If visibility feels overwhelming, start small. Instead of jumping straight into high-pressure situations, practice micro-moments of visibility:

• Make eye contact during conversations instead of looking away.

• Leave a comment on a social media post instead of staying silent.

• Express a small opinion in a group setting, even if it’s just, “I really liked that movie.”

• Say your name with confidence when introducing yourself.

  
  

  These low-stakes visibility moments help retrain your nervous system that being seen is not a threat—it’s just a part of connection.

3. Rewriting the Old Rules About Visibility

Often, fear of visibility is tied to old rules we unconsciously follow:

• “I have to be perfect to speak up.”

• “If I say the wrong thing, people will judge me.”

• “It’s selfish to take up space.”

  
  

But those rules are outdated.

Instead, create new rules that support your growth and confidence:

• “I don’t have to be perfect to be valuable.”

• “My voice is worth sharing, even if not everyone agrees.”

• “Taking up space is not selfish—it’s self-expression.”

  
  

By noticing the old scripts and consciously choosing new ones, you rewrite the way visibility feels in your body.

You Deserve to Be Seen

If you’ve struggled with fear of speaking up, self-doubt, or feeling invisible, know this:

You are not broken. Your body is simply protecting you.

The good news? You can shift this. With time, practice, and somatic awareness, you can teach your nervous system that being seen is not dangerous—it’s your right.

Want to go deeper?

If this resonates, bring these techniques into therapy—or subscribe to our newsletter to explore more somatic strategies for finding confidence and ease in being seen.

Subscribe today to learn more and be the first to know about upcoming workshops and events with KAIROS Counselings.

Your voice matters. Let’s reclaim it—together.

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As always, with hope and light,

Helen Malinowski, LICSW